David my beloved,

Not a day goes by without your haunting smile that touches my very being. They all told me the day you died that it is terrible now but you will learn to live with this pain next to you. In a way that is true,  but still I guess the hole in my heart will never heal. 

I miss going with you to concerts cooking and movies and even listening to endless philosophical questions on Heidegger etc. I miss you on the holidays when you invited friends who did not speak to their parents to endless meals. 

You said you would look after me when I grew old. Your mother was always a fixer, but this pain I cannot fix.

I wonder what you would think of the course my life has taken since you were killed on that  terrible day. I knew almost immediately that I wanted to do something to prevent other mothers, both Israeli and Palestinian from suffering the same fate. 

Who would have imagined that I would stand up before thousands and thousands of people in a quest to stop the violence and to look for an end to this conflict which has touched so many homes in both societies. I wanted to commemorate your name with something to do with education, and so I chose to join the Parents Circle – Families Forum, a group of Israeli and Palestinian bereaved families who chose a path of reconciliation rather than revenge. I have told your story to people all over the world, some very famous and some simple and loving and I promise even though you are no longer here, you still manage to inspire and to make a difference.

I want to tell the world that there is a choice to be made after loss, that is you can die with your loved one or you can choose to try and prevent other families from suffering this pain which never goes away. Deciding to write you a letter is in a way a continuation of motherhood, but it also allows me to speak to other mothers and to support them in finding a way to channel their pain.

To quote you: lots of love,   

Ma